I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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