suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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