I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
