A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
