She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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