I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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