we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
