i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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