We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
