I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
