Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
