Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
