Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
