I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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