Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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