I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
