Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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