Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
