I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
