I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
