My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
