I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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