Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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