after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
