he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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