I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
