it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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