Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
