He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
