This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
