so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
