The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
