you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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