my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
