My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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