i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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