What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
