we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
