1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
