Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
