My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
