Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
