Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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