Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
