I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
