i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They took my balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
