somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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