The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
