I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
