I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
