just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
