He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
