What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
