the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
